becoming older than 10 years old was the biggest mistake of my life
I either dress like im going to a red carpet event or like im a homeless drug addict there is no in between
(Source: whitedad, via legalmexican)
when my dad was in college he had a friend who told a girl he’d take her on a date unlike any other she’d ever been on and so he took her to the supermarket to watch the lobsters fighting in the lobster tank
they’re married now
What did the cat say to the dog?
cats don’t talk
(Source: collxxn, via orgasm)